So, it's been awhile.

A new month, a brand new start. Late August through all of September ended up being quite rough. Whether it was people dying, financial troubles, or having my family upset with me, something was always happening. It filled me with a lot of sadness.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had a falling out with three of my friends. I certainly don't blame them. I was being too clingy and overwhelming. I was depending on them too much to have them cheer me up and ignoring the problems that they were experiencing.

The break was really rough on me. It wasn't the fact that they weren't talking to me that was upsetting; what was upsetting was that other people got involved and took this time to make fun of me and make me feel horrible. Some of these people were people I never would have expected. 2 of them being the friends that wanted a break from me.

I stopped eating.

I slept, but I never slept. You know what I mean? I slept but never rested. I don't know how to explain it. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I never ate because I was nervous that I was going to have an anxiety attack and throw it all back up. It was horrible.

Now, almost a month later, things are almost back to normal. I have 2 of my 3 friends back. My other friend I don't think thinks of me as a friend anymore. It's sad, but it happens.

Yet, any thoughts that I have, I'm going to have to write here. This is my secret blog. I used to have another blog but that has too many people reading it that I don't want. It's quite sad, really, that I have to jot everything here because I'm afraid of the wrong people reading this blog. I don't want people thinking that I'm trying to start more drama. No matter what people say, I am NOT a drama queen. Drama tends to find ME. I don't go searching for it. I don't like it. I've dealt with so much drama this year, that I just want to have ONE month sans-drama.

There's only two people that know about this blog (and 1 guy that knows about my journal...damn Eddie at work for hijacking my journal and reading this!)...and it's going to remain that way. I trust these people with this blog. I know that they won't tell anyone about it unless they ask my permission.

I was supposed to go back to Miami this weekend. I was going to go to Halloween Horror Nights with them in Orlando. I was going as Cuddy and my other friend was going to go as House. But then we got into this break thing. As far as I know, they are still going. And you know, that's fine. I'm not going to bitch about how they can't have fun without me. That's stupid. However, I'm just upset that I can't be a part of it anymore. I was looking so forward to it. It's my fault. If I weren't so overbearing and clingy, I'd be packing my bags right now.

I feel like there's more I need to say, but can't think of anything.